I know, I know, it’s been far too long since I wrote on here and I really haven’t thought much of writing lately. The past few years have been rough and I really am not in a place where I want to be any longer with my health.
The last time I wrote, I was working at the local newspaper but was laid off from work, at the same time both parents had cancer diagnoses and were going through treatment with in a few months of each other(both have recovered since). This was during the time I was without work. Needless to say I was stressed and this is when the eating and not caring about myself started.
At this point my daughter was almost 2 years old, she will be 5 years this months. I had stuck to Paleo until then. Throughout her 2 years of life, first year was easy because I was home, the 2nd was a struggle but I managed. The past 3 years I have been struggling and slowly gaining weight.
It’s funny how we gain weight, you know you’ve gained but you don’t notice it really. Every once in a while the weight goes up a little bit more. Eventually you have gained back all the weight you have lost in the past, it has taken 3 years but I have managed to gain back all my weight.
I look at myself now and compare myself to old pictures and I don’t see it. I feel like I had more weight on me the last time, I felt bigger the last time. This time I feel like it came back all around my waist and hips. I don’t see it as much in my upper body.
In December I joined back at the gym. I was convinced I was going to get back into a routine of going to the gym and after the holidays I was going to start watching what I’m eating again.
The first week I went 4 times, the 2nd week 4 times – as it got closer and closer to Christmas and the stress started building on all the things I had to do before Christmas, I went less and less to the gym. Clearly me and stress have issues. The 3rd week I went once and the week of Christmas I didn’t go at all. Same with the week leading up to New Years.
New plan, I’m going to aim to go 2 times a week and work out. I can do that right? Start watching what I’m eating and going to the gym. I seem to aim too high, the problem with that is I’m not the same person I was 5 years ago. My life is completely different, i can’t do the same routine I used to do. It’s just not possible I have a 5 year old girl now. I have to pick her up from daycare, she’s in my care most of the time during winter months.
As for the food my plan is to slowly transition into a more paleo way of eating but not reducing my carbs as much. With the SIBO diet I had done before my carbs were next to zero and that was really hard on my system and I don’t think it was a good thing for me.
Needless to say my health issues have all returned. What amazes me is how strong I used to be when I was working out compared to now. My arms feel like the only strong part of my body right now and that’s from lifting a 5 year old. My legs are week and I have a hard time walking in the snow, my hips are sore often and some days it hurts to walk. If I take time off from work and I don’t walk all the time, when I get back to work, that first week is hard on my hips.
The first time I lost all the weight, I had a meal plan that I followed. It wasn’t paleo but it worked and it really helped me. I found that meal plan on my computer and the book that I was using back then, it was a book written by Wendy Chant. Conquer the fat loss code – The thing I don’t like about the meal plans is the amount of dairy that is in them and also they aren’t all gluten free. So I will have to go through them and revise them to take out some of the dairy and gluten and reduce the amount of egg. I’ll also revise the workout schedule I had made with the routine. I really don’t have the time to work out as much as what was in there at this point. Nor do I have the energy yet – I think I was working out 5 to 6 times a week but at that point I had already been doing it for 1 year and had lost 20 lbs. I have to keep that in mind – If I can do 2-3 times a week of workouts at this point I’ll be happy!
Two weeks into the New Year and I can say that I’m struggling but what has helped me in the past is having a meal plan and sticking to it. So my goal now is to get that meal plan done and start getting things ready for the next few weeks. Stick to the plan Tiana!!!
With my gym membership, I got a daycare membership. The problem with that is that I can only go to the gym with my daughter on certain days at certain times. If I can’t make it at that time, I won’t be able to go to the gym because I have my daughter. BUT I have equipment and zumba I can use at home to work out with AND I have access to a gym at work to make up for the time I can’t make it with Emilie to the gym. It is possible, I just have to get there. And I will but it took 3 years to get to where I am now, so maybe I should stop trying to rush it getting back to how I was before. I have to remember the last time it took me 2 years to lose the weight and get in a good routine. That’s a long time. I’m not going to get there overnight.
Symptoms that have come back, obviously my hips are sore my weight has gained but I also have tense muscles all over my body and my neck. My skin is no longer clear and it gets dry and flaky easily. My stomach isn’t always happy and out of nowhere I run to the washroom but I’m sure that has lots to do with dairy and gluten which both have crept back into my diet. My energy is really low which makes it very hard to get up and moving. I like to have excuses for everything. Like the other day I had my gym bag with me and was heading to the gym, my feet were soaked from the wet melting snow and wet boots. So I didn’t go, really? I could have just went home easily and grabbed another pair of socks but I didn’t. I went home and chopped up some ice. I could have went downstairs and did a workout but I didn’t. The motivation struggle is real. I need to change that. I feel very anxious if I don’t eat sugar, I start to shake obviously low blood sugar which makes me fear I might start heading towards diabetes. Yeast infection is rampant and a constant. I have to take diflucan treatment monthly to manage it. When I went paleo in the past that disappeared slowly. There’s other symptoms but I guess they just aren’t coming to my mind right now. Anyways with that said, we will see where this week goes and hopefully I have more successes this week and less failures.
The real problem is motivation, I have no motivation to go to the gym, none to even get out of bed in the morning and my joy for cooking is completely gone. I just don’t like it and hate having to come up with something to eat all the time. This is really going to test me I can tell you that much!